This pile of laundry has been sitting in my basement all week. I've moved it a couple times but not to the closet where it belongs. Even now as I type this, the pile still begs to be put away. I also haven't ridden that spin bike in a super long time and it's been too cold to run outside so I haven't exercised much this week either. I bring guilt on myself so easily but I've also been hit with so much conviction lately - and yes they're different things. I know God is pulling me, pushing me, almost yelling to get my attention and make me wake up to His glories all around! I know from the outside it's difficult to tell but on the inside, I'm fighting a war between God's will and my selfish desires.
This past week I've had so many choices to make on whether or not to do "this or that" and as a homemaker, my life is full of those choices and it's wonderful; yet, I still struggle fulfilling all that needs to be done and even doing the things that I want to get done. It's like I feel busy when really I'm not truly busy. Then I read an article that popped up in my Facebook news-feed (sometimes Facebook can be used for good.)
Here's a quote from the post:
"The most common species of slothfulness is “lazy busy” — a full schedule endured in a spiritual haze, begrudging interruptions, resenting needy people, driven by a craving for the next comfort. It is epidemic in our day."
So that basically cut me down to the core. I have been or thought all those things this week. yikes! My good intentions or even my true and honest desire to be who God has made me to be for His glory and my good is overrun by my desire for my "own time" my search for the next relaxing thing in my "hectic" life. So evening comes, after a day of what amounts to basically nothing getting done but I'm still so tired and we literally spend about 2 hours in front of the TV doing nothing. (yes, insert your comments on how hard parenting really is and "it's okay that you didn't do much - you were chasing your kids around and feeding them and isn't it amazing that you've kept them alive this long!" type of comment. Well I get it, but that's not my point here.)
My point is: how much do I long for the good that God has given and laid out before me yet I don't reach out and grab it. Do you? Sometimes I read three or more blog posts a day that are showing me Christ and His ways and how we should walk in them. Then I turn and yell at my children because "they interrupted MY reading time and can't they see that I'm trying to learn about God here!" Too much? Over-dramatic? I'm just being honest and sharing my heart and struggles so you too can be honest and know it happens to everyone (at least I'm pretending this happens to you too.)
If we as Christians are living in community together, I want to be honest and real and show our inadequacies and voice the struggle because that's one way we and others can see our need for Christ and his forgiveness and righteousness. "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2 (go read Romans chapter 8, seriously) Isn't that great news?
No matter the guilt trip I've put on myself this week, I am free in Christ! He has paid for my sins and I am free! So, this next week, I'm going to live honestly but not in the pity of my sinful self; in the freedom that is given me through Christ and I will rejoice in that freedom and live as one who is free from sin and my own selfish desires. His power in me gives me the ability to say no to hours of mindless activity and say yes to a better life in him. A life with my family and friends that uplifts us and points our eyes to Jesus! Yes, I will still watch TV this week and yes, I'll fail at something for sure. But I will pray continually that Christ will keep the freedom He has provided in the forefront of my mind, that I won't focus on my failures but on His grace to help me begin again and to give Him the glory in it all. Pray with me this week that we will bring glory to Christ and show our community what a free life in Christ can be.
Desiring God post on the sin of sloth & lazybusy