Let's be real

This pile of laundry has been sitting in my basement all week. I've moved it a couple times but not to the closet where it belongs. Even now as I type this, the pile still begs to be put away. I also haven't ridden that spin bike in a super long time and it's been too cold to run outside so I haven't exercised much this week either. I bring guilt on myself so easily but I've also been hit with so much conviction lately - and yes they're different things. I know God is pulling me, pushing me, almost yelling to get my attention and make me wake up to His glories all around! I know from the outside it's difficult to tell but on the inside, I'm fighting a war between God's will and my selfish desires.

This past week I've had so many choices to make on whether or not to do "this or that" and as a homemaker, my life is full of those choices and it's wonderful; yet, I still struggle fulfilling all that needs to be done and even doing the things that I want to get done. It's like I feel busy when really I'm not truly busy. Then I read an article that popped up in my Facebook news-feed (sometimes Facebook can be used for good.)

Here's a quote from the post:

"The most common species of slothfulness is “lazy busy” — a full schedule endured in a spiritual haze, begrudging interruptions, resenting needy people, driven by a craving for the next comfort. It is epidemic in our day."

So that basically cut me down to the core. I have been or thought all those things this week. yikes! My good intentions or even my true and honest desire to be who God has made me to be for His glory and my good is overrun by my desire for my "own time" my search for the next relaxing thing in my "hectic" life. So evening comes, after a day of what amounts to basically nothing getting done but I'm still so tired and we literally spend about 2 hours in front of the TV doing nothing. (yes, insert your comments on how hard parenting really is and "it's okay that you didn't do much - you were chasing your kids around and feeding them and isn't it amazing that you've kept them alive this long!" type of comment. Well I get it, but that's not my point here.)

My point is: how much do I long for the good that God has given and laid out before me yet I don't reach out and grab it. Do you? Sometimes I read three or more blog posts a day that are showing me Christ and His ways and how we should walk in them. Then I turn and yell at my children because "they interrupted MY reading time and can't they see that I'm trying to learn about God here!" Too much? Over-dramatic? I'm just being honest and sharing my heart and struggles so you too can be honest and know it happens to everyone (at least I'm pretending this happens to you too.)

If we as Christians are living in community together, I want to be honest and real and show our inadequacies and voice the struggle because that's one way we and others can see our need for Christ and his forgiveness and righteousness. "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2 (go read Romans chapter 8, seriously) Isn't that great news?

No matter the guilt trip I've put on myself this week, I am free in Christ! He has paid for my sins and I am free! So, this next week, I'm going to live honestly but not in the pity of my sinful self; in the freedom that is given me through Christ and I will rejoice in that freedom and live as one who is free from sin and my own selfish desires. His power in me gives me the ability to say no to hours of mindless activity and say yes to a better life in him. A life with my family and friends that uplifts us and points our eyes to Jesus! Yes, I will still watch TV this week and yes, I'll fail at something for sure. But I will pray continually that Christ will keep the freedom He has provided in the forefront of my mind, that I won't focus on my failures but on His grace to help me begin again and to give Him the glory in it all. Pray with me this week that we will bring glory to Christ and show our community what a free life in Christ can be.

Desiring God post on the sin of sloth & lazybusy 

Grandpa Arlan Peters

We lost a beloved family member March 2, 2015. Pete's grandpa Arlan passed away a week before his 90th birthday. He was a great man who loved all of us so much. We love him and have great memories to remember him well. I found a few pictures to share, though most are from my phone so they are from this year.

Arlan and Marge at our wedding in 2004

Skiing at Snowbasin, 2013. They offered free adaptive rides to promote their program. He really enjoyed it. 

Anne with her parents at her 60th birthday party, 2014

Family picture August 3, 2014

Singing time with Great Papa, Christmas 2014

Kids in their Christmas pajamas with Great-Grammy and Great-Papa, 2014

Reading a book to Great-Papa at Great-Grammy's 86th birthday party. This year, Feb. 12th. 

We will miss him so Prayers for Pete's grandma are appreciated; they were married over 60 years. Please pray for Anne too. She was very close with her dad and it's going to be tough to be without him. 

IF :Gathering 2015

For two years now, I've participated in an event called IF:Gathering. It's like a conference, it's like a worship service, it's like a morning Bible study sitting on the couch talking with the gals about God and His goodness. So obviously, it's tough to explain but that's okay. My level of participation has been watching the live-stream, alone, from my home (and usually not live but catching up at night or during rest-time while the kids sleep.) I know of only two other women in my area who do the same but I'm hoping to change that for next year's gathering. This "thing" is so uplifting to my soul and so humbling at the same time. I mean, the first year I found myself crying in the middle of my kitchen while singing "Oceans" by myself yet with thousands of women around the world. This year I watched mostly in my bedroom with the iPad propped on top of an empty laundry basket - wish I had taken a picture - while my husband watched TV downstairs and the kids slept. I am so glad I took the time to listen and learn from the women God has called to "gather, equip, and unleash this generation for the good of the people and for God's glory." But now I realize I should be sharing this experience with others.

About two weeks before IF, I checked their website to see if there were any public IF:locals in Utah. NOT A ONE*! It was a map full of little grey place markers and and my empty state. Now there may have been groups who registered as a private group with only the people they chose to invite but the closest public IF:local was in Idaho or Colorado. I know Utah is usually 5-10 years behind the nation's big cities when it comes to well, most new things really. But I don't want IF:Gathering to be one of those things. So I am praying about it, but I think next year I would like to host an IF:local for Utah and our valley/church but also open to anyone who finds us. *looking back at the site - now almost a month later - there was a private IF:local at South Mountain Community Church in Draper, so that's great!

The teaching this year was convicting and raw and helped me understand more of who God made me to be and how we should be living in freedom and grace for His glory in what He has called us to do. All the "messages" were related to the story of Joshua and the promised land. Here are a few quotes that stood out to me:

Be strong and courageous!

We must let go of the past to lay hold of what God has for us in the future!

Service is what prepares you for the battle, not performance.

Faith doesn't demand that God explain himself!

Being faithful doesn't mean being fearless. It just means your faith is greater than your fear.

God is holding on to you tighter than you are holding onto him.

Walk it out, even when it's not working out. Just because your progress isn't obvious, it doesn't mean your faith isn't working.

Take the next step of obedience!

- strong words from women I have come to admire and learn from: Jennie Allen, Jen Hatmaker, Christine Caine, Angie Smith, Ann Voskamp, Rebekah Lyons, Bianca Olthoff, Jo Saxton, and probably more that I'm forgetting right now.

My Bible study/grow group/community on Tuesday mornings - we call it "moms group" - has graciously allowed me and a friend to share our thoughts and experiences from this year's gathering. I am grateful for the good discussion it has started in our community. I desire for us to be women of God who are bold and honest, and loving with each other and our neighbors - just as Christ is and calls us to be.

Another aspect of IF, that continues beyond IF:gathering is IF:Equip. It is a daily Bible study, right now we are working through Hebrews, where women can connect and study God's word together. If you have an extra 5-10 minutes a day, or you don't have a clear direction in your study of the Bible right now, then you should check it out.

Do you have a community you grow with? You should. Seek it out, God meant for us to be in community with other believers. Heb 10:24-25 "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." Find a church, find a small group, and seek community from outside too (organizations like IF) but the local church is how we can truly grow in relationship with others for God's glory. I'm so thankful for the people God has placed me with and I love them more each day.

May "the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful." Colossians 3:15

I'm thankful today for the people God uses to speak His truth and grace into my life!

How about you, did you watch/attend IF:Gathering this year or last? Are there any other conferences or gatherings that you have loved?

Give Them Grace

I started reading this book late in 2014 and finished January 2015. Those months of off and on reading have been filled with some of my hardest times as a parent and some of my greatest times of growth too.

The book, Give Them Grace, was written by Elyse Fitzpatrick (one of my new favorite authors) and her daughter, Jessica Thompson. Elyse offers the majority of the writing with the on-hand and current parenting of her daughter as well.

This book is different than any parenting book I know of and more than helping me to "be a better parent," it has shown me the magnitude of God's grace and opened my eyes to the awesome privilege I have to show his grace daily to my children that they may come to love God themselves.

You should read this book! Not because you may be a struggling parent. Not because you want to read one more of the thousands of parenting books out there. But because it will remind you (or lead you for the first time) of God's goodness in the grace he shows daily to us and how we can extend His grace - and not our own - to others. I think the major realization that I had while reading, though I have always been aware - was my repeated attempts to parent/live my life in my own strength and only crying out to God when I felt helpless or at a loss for what to do. Increasingly in my life there have been many parenting (and otherwise) moments of desperation which is why I finally read this book. I wish I could say that now everything is "fixed" and I don't struggle anymore. But we all know that's now how life works - even though sometimes we wish so much for the "magic bullet." I can say that I am more aware of God's grace in my life and I look for situations where I can speak the gospel into my children''s lives. I cherish my role as parent even more.

Some quotes or main points from the book that I love; though I can't quote the whole book (stepping on the toes of plagiarism here) or summarize every point so you feel like you don't have to read it. Please read it for yourself, you can borrow my copy if you want.

• "You are a christian parent but is your parenting christian? Grace, or the free favor that has been lavished on us through Christ, ought to make our parenting radically different from what unbelievers do."
• "Even though our children cannot and will not obey God's law, we need to teach it to them again and again. And when they tell us that they can't love God or others in this way, we are not to argue with them. We are to agree with them and tell them of their need for a Savior." 
• "Raising good kids is utterly impossible unless they are drawn by the Holy Spirit to put their faith in the goodness of another. You cannot raise good kids, because you are not a good parent." 
• "We want to free you from the unbelief and works righteousness that rob you of the comforts of grace... we want to encourage you to live by faith in the Son of God, who loves you and gave himself for you (Gal. 2:20), not by your own efforts." 
• speaking on prayer: "Because of Jesus, your Father delights to hear the sound of your voice, the same way I love to hear my grandchild's voice, except exponentially more so." 
• "As his children we long to make his glory known by our faithful obedience. That is a good desire, but a strong, successful family may not be the way he has chosen for us to glorify him. Perhaps his goal is that we glorify him by demonstrating weakness and even failure." 
• "Our weakness is the place where we learn to depend on his power." 
• "I asked her, 'How would you raise your children if all you had was the Bible?' 'Well, I guess I would love them, discipline them, and tell them about Jesus.' I smiled and answered, 'Right.'"
• "Parenting in grace is not parenting on the basis of your own consistent gospel-centeredness. It is just the opposite. Parenting in grace is parenting on the basis of Christ's consistent perfections alone." 

The authors do give 5 categories of parenting and an appendix in the back with examples of what you can say and do when your children do "this or that" so part of my desire for a checklist of helps was appeased. She gives examples from the Bible and verses to encourage. She also has a whole chapter with hypothetical situations to deeper show you how grace should affect your parenting.

The last section of the book is an amazing retelling of the gospel, called The One Good Story. So it's worth it just for that alone.

One last quote: "So go ahead. Freely dazzle your babies with the cross of Christ. Give them grace when they succeed and grace when they fail. Show them how much he loves little children, like you... Then, when you give them grace like this, you'll find yourself dazzled by his love and grace, too."

Parent Teacher Conferences

It's already into the third quarter of school! My girl is half-way through kindergarten! (Yes I am "yelling" and "excited.") Wow, this year has gone quickly - I mean, I already bought her a lunch box for 1st grade. What? It was a great deal on groupon. I even think the 100th day is coming up next week. For some reason, that's a big deal in the younger grades.

I am enjoying her being in kindergarten. School is going well for her but I still get her back for half the day. Full-day school is going to be rough on this momma. But, it is great to see her learn and excel at school. Yes, there are things I could do without - she has picked up a few habits I'd rather her not have and she seems to be easy going and do whatever her friends say, just so she can play with them - which is a bit innocent now but won't be soon and feelings will get hurt. 

Last night we went to Parent-teacher-conferences. The kindergarten teachers have set up "walking conferences" to help us watch J demonstrate some of the activities they work on in class. We walk in the room, find a folder (with her name on it of course,) and start working through the different stations. 

There was a math station with the game "bears in a cave" kind of like "what's missing?" There are 10 plastic bears, the child (or parent) closes their eyes while the other person puts some (or all as J did once) of the Bears in a cup and some stay out on the table. Once the person opens their eyes, they have to decide how many bears are in the cup. An x=? equation for kindergarten. She did great - only off by one when the numbers were 3 & 7 or 4 & 6. 

The next station was reading site words. She did all but one! She has great memory skills. 

There was a station for book reading. The folders told each child which book the teacher wanted them to read (what level they were on) and each child read the same book for a total of two books. She once again did a great job (though we've noticed, because of her memorizing skills, she is more able to read a book quickly without help if she's read it before. :) I'm sure everyone would be that way. So these books weren't new to the kids but I think frustration was not wanted at conferences so success was easily given. And can I just say, I love watching her read! It is so amazing to see and hear her little mind figure it out. 

The last station was more for the student to have fun. She showed us at the water table how they mixed primary colors to make secondary colors. Her teacher also had some fun science things to look at - "quiet bottles" that didn't mix very well but that's okay, and some little beads that absorbed water and expanded.

After finishing all the stations, we sat down with her teacher and J was praised for being a great student and she was told how much her teacher loved watching her learn and grow into a wonderful young lady. It does a parents' heart good to hear praise of their child so I'm glad her teacher makes it a point for every child (that I know of anyway.) she showed us J's scores for the "dibles" testing they do each quarter. And I did ask her if J stays in her seat when she needs to because we've been having issues with that at home. Even then, her teacher was careful in how she worded her answer so as not to embarrass J in front of us and still give me a proper answer: "she's been getting more social and brave (J was so shy at the beginning of the year) but it's been fine. Kindergarten is where you learn these things!" I am so pleased with J's teacher; some people have the right kind of patience for this age and I'm glad she definitely does. 

I know my baby can't stay in kindergarten forever, but I wish all my experiences with teachers and conferences could be like this.